his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
