Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
