I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
