She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
