Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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