My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
