yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
