she woke up with a sticky ear
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
