I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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