Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
