WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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