Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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