Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
