I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
