They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
