u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
