Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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