Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
