We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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