dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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