god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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