Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
