We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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