***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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