I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
