Dual....:-)
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
