You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
