I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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