Sry I called you an 8
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
