we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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