does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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