wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
