Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
