come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
