Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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