dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
