I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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