Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
