Where did you get a picture of my penis
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
