I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
