I didn't shave. On purpose
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
