You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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