Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
...so i touched it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
