Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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