I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is the high leading the old right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
