Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
