Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm really busy with my period
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