Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
