hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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