Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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