Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
