dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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