I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
