I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
